A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
