we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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