they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
