how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
