Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Be still, my beating vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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