Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
