we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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