I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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