make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
