Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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