Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
