I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
