that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
