It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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