Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
