I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
