If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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