im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
