your parents love me but you hate me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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