Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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