Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
