just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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