i think i have two assholes
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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