a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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