ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
