Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
