my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
