it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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