I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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