He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
