It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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