So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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