Cold hands, warm shart.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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