So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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