Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
