eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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