Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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