Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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