Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
this hospital has no fireball
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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