So drunk its hurt
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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