I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
