dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
