I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
