You smell like stripper and shame
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize