Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
