And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
