After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
