This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
