Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
