Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize