I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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