just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
