??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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