My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
