she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
