lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize