I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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