I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
