i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize