I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
